To Don't List

We all know to-do lists. Some of us diligently keep one either in paper or in XL or in some app. Some of us are good in keeping everything in our head (atleast we think so).

To-do lists can become unwieldy if we are not focused. It is easy to add to the list than remove from it. Focus is about saying NO and not saying YES as Steve Jobs famously observed. This is where to-don’t lists come into picture. To-Don’t list is another list that we maintain to say NO. We can do it only if we are sure what is our primary objective/role, what does our boss care about the most, what does the team require and finally our personal goals. We should ideally be saying NO to everything that is outside of this list. Many eminent management Gurus are using one or the other variant of this:

1. I first heard about this from Tom Peters, long time ago and started using it.
2. Warren Buffet is notorious to saying NO to almost everything and recommends this method to stay focused on your top priorities.
3. Recently Adam Grant talked about it

I strongly recommend creating one for yourself and keep moving items from to-do list to to-don’t list periodically (once in 6 months works for me). This process is almost akin to cleaning our attic/cup-boards/ward-robes and other storage area as things get added without us noticing and clutters the whole thing in no time. One warning though: You are likely to upset many people when you start saying NO. You need to hold firm if you want to remain focused on your goals (and not someone else’s).

Now some personal story as to how I’ve benefitted from this concept (you can ignore too as it is more an example)

Based on the concept, for the last 18-24 months, my top level personal goals are only three (not in any order)

• Meet or Exceed all the professional goals my boss has set for me (Why? I’m afraid of getting fired. I was out of job for 6 looooong months and can understand what it means. Without the security the salary brings, everything else becomes very difficult to achieve and I want it to make very very hard for anyone to fire me)

• Help my sons succeed in studies and in life (Why? this is a lifelong commitment, obligation, privilege and perhaps nothing else would bring bigger joy than seeing them succeed)

• Personal development goals - reading and running primarily (Why? One needs to be healthy – both physically and mentally to be able to achieve other goals. There is a reason why airlines advice you to first put the oxygen mask yourselves and only then help others)

With the clarity obtained from the above, I happily say NO (well, “NO, but …”, instead of “YES, but …” – something I learnt from our earlier R&D SVP, Phil Hester) to any requests that is not fitting into the above – both in personal and professional fronts. Some of the things I’ve stayed away from include:

• Came out of the board and eventually even from membership of not-for-profit as I couldn’t figure out a way to meaningfully contribute
• Closed all/most of my mentorship responsibilities as change is hard to come by and most people don’t recognize the need to do things differently till pushed to a wall. I was just wasting my time. 
• Gave up on a few “give back to the society” initiatives as I got disillusioned and embraced the philosophy that I’ll focus on becoming a better me and raising good children and not worry about helping one and add (selfish? Yes).
• Saying NO to help folks in an area that I do not have any expertise (like helping someone with a business plan for example)
• Relying on experts and not trying to do R&D on things where I don’t have expertise, nor inclined to build one (investment for example)
• Saying NO to “lets just meet-up over lunch/coffee” type requests from acquaintances and from folks from professional network
• Limiting social gatherings to about one per month for requests from some members in professional network where I cannot say NO (person calling is either a big shot or someone that I’ve worked closely with) – this is where the difficulty starts if one is not clear to draw boundaries
• Stopped attending functions (marriage etc.) where I’m invited mostly as a formality (my wife is very popular even in my side that brings several invites and make things very difficult to say NO)
• Moved my financial planning to an expert and now look into my investments only once every six months or so
• Moved home maintenance to a big contractor – he is expensive, but I need not spend my time
• Stopped attending concerts as a ton of great recordings are available on youtube
• Last but not the least, limiting Social Media to weekends (barring Twitter which I use only to stay on top of things).

I can attest that doing all these has given me a LOT OF TIME to pursue things that are truly important to “me”. I still fall off the track, but the framework gives me the crutch to get back. On the people front, expectations are set and people are actually surprised if I show-up in some gathering!