When Smart People Get Angry

This is a direct copy-paste from a tweet storm by @orangebook_, that I was able to relate to.

Reasons why smart people end up angry. 1) They need to take responsibility for the irresponsible. 2) They are often blamed for their one mistake, and ignored for their hundred good deeds. 3) They are targeted by the insecure who are offended upon not getting attention.

4) They get ad hominem attacks because people can’t discuss ideas whilst leaving aside ego. 5) Many people they help, (a) rarely express gratitude, only criticism. (b) blame them with illogical thinking. 6) They constantly have to wonder whether they are the crazy, stupid ones.

7) They are being patient and empathetic with everyone, whilst knowing many people are vultures waiting for a moment of weakness to say, “well, told you!” 8) They are pressured by expectations from everyone. They know they don’t owe anyone anything, but it’s still exhausting.

Feedback and Empathy

Last week a colleague that I highly respect sought my opinion on the content of a critical feedback he had given to someone and also sought my help in navigating the next steps as he was accused of "lacking empathy".

I looked at the content and it appeared perfectly fine. He had ofcourse specifically chosen to focus ONLY on the critical feedback so as to not dilute the message. Unfortunately, this had not gone down well with the recipient and hence the comment "lack of empathy". Having been myself accused of "lacking empathy", I was able to relate to him quickly. I'm not a big believer of "sandwich technique of feedback", as my experience is that usually people tend to exaggerate to themselves, the positive feedback and downplay the constructive part. Especially when repeated feedback has not resulted in the desired improvement, it is always prudent to have a session exclusively for constructive feedback.      It is better to clarify that the session is only on constructive feedback and that doesn't mean the receiver has no positive things to talk about. I didn't see anything wrong my colleague had done - he had made it very clear that he'd be talking only about the constructive feedback.

I told him that I didn't find him in lacking in empathy for a number of reasons:

• It really was not his job to provide a detailed feedback. He did so only because he wanted the receiver to improve. 
• The feedback was very specific, actionable and he even had training part planned out and was committing his own time.
• Some of the feedback were basic and not to be expected by a person of receiver's experience and role. By stepping in proactively my colleague was only trying to protect the perception of the larger group.

If the above is not an example of "empathy", then I don't know what else is. He felt little better, though still perturbed having branded. 

Unfortunately, many people when they ask for feedback are looking merely for self-validation, wants to hear only good things and really dislike hearing things that might help grow.  

What RamP's Reading: Mar'20

  

Design Pattens (Re-read)

The Gang-of-Four (GoF), top-notch designers present a catalog of simple and succinct solutions to commonly occurring design problems. They have identified 23 patterns that allow designers to create more flexible, elegant, and ultimately reusable designs without having to rediscover the design solutions themselves.


Ikigai: The Japanese Secret to a Long and Happy Life

We all have an ikigai.

It's the Japanese word for ‘a reason to live’ or ‘a reason to jump out of bed in the morning’. It’s the place where your needs, desires, ambitions, and satisfaction meet. A place of balance. Small wonder that finding your ikigai is closely linked to living longer. Finding your ikigai is easier than you might think. This book will help you work out what your own ikigai really is, and equip you to change your life. You have a purpose in this world: your skills, your interests, your desires and your history have made you the perfect candidate for something. All you have to do is find it.

Do that, and you can make every single day of your life joyful and meaningful.


Skin in the Game: Hidden Asymmetries in Daily Life

In his most provocative and practical book yet, Nassim Taleb, one of the foremost thinkers of our time redefines what it means to understand the world, succeed in a profession, contribute to a fair and just society, detect nonsense, and influence others. Citing examples ranging from Hammurabi to Seneca, Antaeus the Giant to Donald Trump, Taleb shows how the willingness to accept one’s own risks is an essential attribute of heroes, saints, and flourishing people in all walks of life.

As always both accessible and iconoclastic, Taleb challenges long-held beliefs about the values of those who spearhead military interventions, make financial investments, and propagate religious faiths.